Sunday, 15 June 2008

How to find a lost page?

Somewhere in the darkness between closed pages, you lie sleeping. In a row on one of the bookshelves. Lined up. But I can't find you. I have a dry thumb edge from turning pages and pages I had forgotten about. I have sat far too long re-reading, looking through old sketches and ramblings ,getting sidetracked down interesting twisting lanes of thought and strange blind alleys in my search for you.

I can almost see you on that page. But which month or year did you emerge from my pen? Which style of notebook holds you safe? The pocket sized square that fits in my jeans? Coat pocket A6 that tapped against my leg as I walked? Cast over my shoulder A5 or larger, in a low slung bag? Sensible black cover or wacky design? Handmade accordion book that I held captive for a week while a stack of books flattened it's lively seams into shape?

I am looking for you, but the more I look the more I find and there is still no trace of you. You have become an obsession. Always on my mind. I re-write you. Sketch you again. Sit and remember. Dream you up in the quietest parts of the night. But I still want to see that first snatch of you in front of me, to rekindle that moment when I first saw you on the page, ink still wet.

How to find a lost page?